The Unspeakable Thoughts

사랑이 무서워 - Afraid Of Love

2012-02-11T16:06:00.000+08:00

이러다 미쳐버릴지 몰라
아니 이미 너에게
미쳐 버렸는지 모르지
이러다 죽어버릴지 몰라
아니 이제 너 없인
살 수 없는지도 모르지
이 세상엔 안 되는 사랑
사랑해선 절대 안 되는 사람
너를 돌아설수록 더 너무 보고 싶어서
자꾸 겁이나 사랑이 난 무서워
그림자까지도 그리운 사람
그게 너라서 너무 두려워
널 스쳐 갔어야 했는데
사랑하지 말았어야 했는데
너를 돌아설수록 더 너무 보고 싶어서
자꾸 겁이나 사랑이 난 무서워
그림자까지도 그리운 사람
니가 너무 두려워
가르쳐 줄래 어떡해야 이 운명 앞에서 벗어날 수 있을까
너를 사랑해..사랑해..죽을 만큼 사랑해
가슴이 아파 미칠 것만 같은데
쉴 새 없이 눈물 흘러도 너를
사랑할 수 없어도 사랑해

I might go crazy
No, actually I already might be already crazy about you
I might just die
No, actually I already might not be able to live without you
A love that can’t happen in this world
A person that I shouldn’t fall in love with
The more I turn my back against you
I miss you even more
I’m getting scared, I’m scared of love
I even miss your shadow
I’m so scared that my love is you
I should have just passed you by
I should not have fell in love with you
I miss you even more
I’m getting scared, I’m scared of love
I even miss your shadow
I’m so scared that my love is you
Can you tell me what to do?
Will I be able to get out of this fate?
I love you, love you
I love you to death
Even if my heart aches so much
Even if my tears won’t stop
Even if I can’t love you
I love you

Secretly Admiring

2011-12-18T01:55:00.005+08:00

Have you ever secretly admired someone and never be able to express the feeling?
Raise your hand if you do! There are a few reasons why we can't say love to the object of our affection. First, they already have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Second, he/she is just unreachable (differences in social status, economy, even sexual orientation). Third, it's better to secretly love them rather than making them your girl/boyfriend. According to some people, they choose to be the third one as it won't lead into any complication and they can still love them without ruining the relationship.

Admiring someone from a distance has its own beauty. I think, keeping someone from a distance is actually harder than pulling someone to be really close. Let say, I'm someone who's full of confident. Then when I like someone, I will just make them mine straight away. But to keep someone from a distance and still keeping in touch with them, that's the beauty that has its own pleasure.

Imagine a kite. Between the string that is attached between the holder and the kite, there's a big distance. Sometimes, the kite will go closer and sometimes it will go further. As high as it can go, as long as the string is still attached, the holder will always be able to see the kite in the blue sky. The kite game is very fun. Can we imagine playing the same game to the person that we secretly admired?

When we love someone from a distance, we only see the beauty of it. It's like when we view the mountain that is very pretty from far away. Lets try to hike the mountain and we will know how cruel it is. Loving someone from a distance means we crystallized their beauty and won't be disturbed by all of their weaknesses as a human.

Sadly, not everyone is able to do that. When the desire to get closer and a strong will can't be restrained, many will end up doing stupid things that they later regret. In many cases, distance is safety. But distance can also be an emptiness that longs to be filled. The ability to secretly loving someone from a distance is a love pleasure that has a different feeling.

With technologies and the presence of social media, what's interesting from secretly admiring someone is of course reading what our object of affections writes. Never forgets and always make a time to know how they are doing. What differentiates between reading the person that we like and those who we secretly admired is of course the feeling when you read their writings. To those who we secretly admired, there's no feeling of heartache or disappointment or anger when we know their thoughts and feelings. What's there is feeling of happiness and joy looking at them growing and be more mature.

In my case, secretly loving someone means viewing them from a distance, but still keep them as a close friend. If I can't be a close friend, then it's still fine. It's enough by only admiring them from a distance, as there's pleasure that doesn't differ much from kissing our lover. Secretly loving someone means secretly having them in our heart, filling the empty space that can't be replaced.

- Translated from Indo Article -

Sydney or Perth ?!?!

2011-12-08T01:17:00.003+08:00

Sydney Perth Sydney Perth Sydney Perth ?!?!!?!??!
SIGHHH.. I honestly HATE making decisions.
And I always don't know what I want which makes it even harder
I think the last major decision I made was doing Actuarial or Architecture
Which I think was stupid for even considering archi.. =.=
Anyway.. This is even a more life changing thing.
Hmm..What I hope.. Rather than considering master in perth or syd.. The best solution is get a job in Melb!! hhaha.. Found this PERFECT job advertised but then.. I really don't know if I can get it or not.

Graduate Role
Risk Analyst
GE - good company
60k plus i think
Melbourne

= DREAM JOB

Well not dream job, but it's what I want. Anyway.. that's just the really uncertain solution. And a miracle if it really come true. On the other side.. sydney or perth. Let see why I wanna move and why I don't

SYDNEY:
- after consulting with many people, they said I should move. Hm.. When I think about it.. Yes.. In the long term it's probably better.. Great Uni.. New life.. But the downside. It's expensive there! rent etc.. its crazy. I honestly feel really bad for my parents. I could tell that they want me to stay in Perth. I mean I could save 10k plus a year if I stay in Perth. But anyway.. thoughts of mine. I'm scared the uni is really hard that I'm going to struggle a lot coz I've been very dependent with my friends. But maybe I'll try harder. New life.. new love? I don't know. I think I can get over that person if I move. And prob find someone else? dunno. I'm scared of change.. finding new friends won't be easy. I'm scared to be lonely there =s

PERTH:
- Well.. Good thing is I could save a lot of money by staying in Perth. Everything is pretty much there for me. Nothing to worry. I'm so used to with everything. I have everything there! Have all my friends too. Curtin is easier.. Still got friends there. And I could study with that person. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I might suffer even more. But I don't know. I think it's not good for the long run. But then.. it's tempting after all. Hm.. UWA is not that bad. But I don't know.. It doesn't really appeal to me. Plus I can prob learn to drive find a good casual job.

I don't know if it's that bad staying in Perth. Why does everyone wanna move to a bigger city? I mean.. That has obviously come across my mind.. Hence why I even considered Sydney. But when I think about it again. I really love my comfort zone. Really love it. At some point, I sort of made a decision that I Should stay in Perth. But now after talking to that person who advice me to move, I'm re-thinking everything again! Wanting to be independent? Lots of people want that. Then I think to myself. Why do I not want to move? Oh I forgot.. I have been independent for years! Yes.. staying in perth and moving to syd is the same. Maybe at this point my heart still wants to stay in perth. But what made me waver is the fact that everyone said it's better to move and I know the reason why. I know it's better. But i still feel a bit reluctant about it. I like my life. Well not always. But it's not bad. IM STIL CONFUSED AFTER ALL. Talking to many ppl even made me more confused! I really can't decide. Why can't the perfect solution come true? That's the only thing I can think abt!!!

Suffocated

2011-11-14T19:26:00.004+08:00

The feeling is so strong these days..
I feel so suffocated..
When I saw you today.. It literally feels like it was so hard to breathe..
I couldn't breathe properly.
It's not the first time..
Every time we study together.. It also feels the same..
Why does the feeling has to be so strong?
Maybe it's my own fault..
No one to blame but me..
I feel so suffocated..
I want you quite badly..
I've been dreaming about you nearly everyday
I think on the back of my mind I can only think about you..
I like you so much >.<
What should I do?

sick of it

2011-11-10T21:21:00.003+08:00

im sick of this life!
so sick of it!
it's the end of uni..
but i feel more stress than ever..
what to do with my future?
f it.

cant get a job? does it bother me? NO.
so what bothers me?
THE FACT THAT OTHERS GOT IT WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!
the fact that people will judge me
that im incapable
despite my VERY HARD WORK
that hurts more.
i dont give a damn if i couldnt get a job.. if that happens to everyone.
but no.. it only happens to that one person who tries the most
how i feel life is not fair
nothing is fair.

its time to go away
move away from this crappy world
maybe this is my chance
to start a new life
new friends
new environment
new love
new everything
im sick being here
i wanna get out!

I like you.. But it's time to let go..

2011-11-05T01:07:00.003+08:00

Yes I like you
Yes it's been a while..
And my feeling has not change at all..
I like you a lot
Sometimes I like you even more..
Today you made me happy somehow..
I'm happy to be around you..
You made my heart smile..

But maybe it will be time to say goodbye soon..
I think it's best if I get away from you..
I think it's best if I forget about you..
You are the reason why I'm so motivated..
But I feel like you pressured me so much..
That I feel depressed every day..
You made me happy and sad at the same time..
It's too confusing..
I need a new life..
I can't stay by you forever..
I should really get away and move on..
I don't know if I can keep the friendship or not..
It'll be sad.
But I'll just bear with it.

I like you a lot.
Very very much indeed
But it's time to let go..

Escaping Reality

2011-08-18T21:13:00.002+08:00

Wow.. I haven't written in here for a long time..
Lots of things happened.. but for now I wanna write about what I'm feeling..
Escaping reality.
I have been trying to escape from reality for this past weeks.. maybe months..
I don't know why.. but I just don't feel like facing the reality
I've been living in my lala land
Where I can relax and feel happy
Watching dramas fills me with fantasy
False hope and comfort
And that't the world I'm living it at the moment..
I know somehow and someday I have to get out of this bubble
I think I'm avoiding it coz I have to much to bear in mind..
First of all, my future..
And so I'm in my last semester..
I can't believe time flies just in a blink of an eye
I remember the confusion I had when I was about to finish high school..
What major should I do? I have to do good in TEE.. this determines my life
I remember having those thoughts
Somehow it's dejavu..
Uni life is ending..
And I have to make another decision as to where I wanna head into..
This time it's bigger and I have to think carefully
Finding work hasn't been easy at all.. I still have to be patient
Or is there something else that I meant to do?
And is that the reason God hasn't given me the best job yet?
Am I suppose to do post grad?
Am I suppose to change course?
I really don't know..
I honestly don't like Actuarial Science
And I don't plan to become an Actuary either
But I don't know what I like..
I don't know what I want..
I don't know what I wanna be..
That's why I'm so confused..
How can I lead my life when I don't even know what I even want?!
I keep thinking and thinking..
And I still can't find the answer yet..
I hope I will find it soon
Secondly, I've been slacking so much that I'm behind all my units
I really need to catch up soon..
Maybe because it's last semester that I don't have any motivation at all
Literally zero.. And it's so bad
I just wanna get it over and done with..
I don't want to do any studies..
Sighhhh... That's why I'm escaping reality..

Bitter Truth

2011-04-30T13:11:00.004+08:00

Fate is not on my side for sure
Just when it's nearing to that first year mark
I found out the bitter truth about you
I cannot believe that I've been blinded all these time
It's really hard to accept this fact..
And I can't believe how far you have gone...
It's too much for me to know..
To handle.. to grasp.. or even just to think about it..
It ruins ur perfect image
And I am saddened by it..
I don't know why fate brings me to know this truth
But now that I think about it..
Everything make sense..
The puzzle is turning into a picture..
This bitter truth is killing me for sure
I just cannot believe it...
Whyyyyy...

A Step Further?

2011-04-26T22:22:00.003+08:00

I always wonder.. what the future holds for me
It's been almost a year since the day that we first met
Since that moment that you caught my eyes
My feeling has not changed at all..
It grew deeper as time goes by..

So I guess we're friends now..
But then what?
I really cannot take a step further than this
To me.. it's the chasing moment forever..
Chasing for nothing that is..
I just enjoy the moment I spend with you
Although it probably means nothing to you
But it means everything to me
Just to know that you're there is already enough for me..

I'm blinded by your perfection
Though I know in reality that nobody is perfect
But you just seem to be an exception

I am pretty much stuck in this stage
We're not even close friends
We don't have many mutual friends
We don't really have any common interest
I really don't know what kept us going

Our conversation is always short and simple
And that is the furthest it could go..
Will I ever take the next step?
I really don't know
It's hard to decide now..

I guess.. let it be and let it flow..
See where time brings us
See what fate holds for me..

disappointed

2011-02-22T20:09:00.002+08:00

Waiting waiting n waiting..
That's all i've been doing this whole day
Anticipating for our meeting
Excited and disappointed at the same time
Why do u always give me these feelings?
Feelings or worry, joy, excitement, disappointment, sadness etc
You give me all these mix feelings that made me confused
And don't know what to feel anymore
Don't know what to expect
Good or bad.. anything can happen
I feel so lost..

I don't know what you think of me
Or how do u see me
But I know for a fact that I ain't important
You keep toying with this feelingz
Promising this and that
But you never keep your words!
Which pisses me off =s
And it keeps me waiting
I gain hope thru ur words
But you crushed it every time

I just want to forget..

2011-02-06T13:41:00.002+08:00

Our last meeting was seriously a nightmare for me
I can't stop thinking about it
And every time I do think about it,
It gives me the most unpleasant feeling

I seriously tried to forget about you this last couple days
Whenever the thoughts of you come to my mind
I tried to think about something else
Yet doing this is extremely hard

Honestly, it's not the first time I feel this way
And whenever it occurs
I feel haunted by the experience
This unease feeling is killing me

I just can't seem to forget about you yet
Sometimes I just wish to be amnesia
So I can forget about everything instantly
Maybe it's better that way

what's left within me is tears and heartbreak

2011-02-04T16:41:00.005+08:00

The sadness within me, when things didn't go the way i expected
I tried to cheer myself up by watching comedies
But only tears fall down from my eyes
Disappointment after disappointment
Everything just piles up at the same time
I can't control it any longer
Fool fool fool
That's what I am
Stupid for expecting
Dumb stupid fool why am I like this?
Why am I so blinded by this love?
I am disappointed at myself and everything else
F it! coz what's left within me is tears and heartbreak

Jumbled up thoughts

2011-01-27T21:32:00.003+08:00

Today, you made my heart pound all over again
The excitement waiting for your reply
The disappointment that you took so long to reply
All feelings mix into one
I don't know what to call it anymore

Why do you appear in my dreams so often?
And why are you always the villain in my dreams?
Whenever I wake up, I feel glad that it's only a dream
Afraid that it will become reality
When we won't even be friends anymore
I'm really scared of that

Sad and happy
My feelings are all mixed up
I'm too confused
Not knowing how to feel
Only expecting a little bit
Knowing nothing will return

I'm trying to control myself
Not pouring everything to you
Not to hope
Not to feel a thing
I'm teaching myself to be numb
But somehow I just can't
It's too hard

Tell me why you exist in my life
What is the meaning of this?
Everything is unpredictable
Quite curious to what the future holds

Here's just some jumbled up thoughts

The littlest thing you say makes a big difference in my day

2011-01-17T21:48:00.003+08:00

It's been one of the longest time we haven't talk
About 3 weeks that is..
It feels like forever to me..
And so I had the chance to talk to you yesterday..
I was gna wait for you to call me first
But I guess that won't happen
So I took the chance and talked to you..
I was quite surprised when you greet me with
"hey! long time no talk"
So you realized that we haven't talk for quite a while
Even tho that's only a small thing
It really made my day
I feel quite special thru those words..
So as usual.. I made the topics
And you being your usual way.. quite passive in the conversation
Anyway, we didn't talk for long..
But it's okay..
You said you were going to sleep..
And as usual.. I like the way you say "gdnite =)"
What surprised me even more is when you asked when I'm going back..
And the climax of the story is when you said..
"anyway we shld go out for lunch or something wen u come bak =)"
OMG.. even though.. that's probably nothing for many people
It's actually the most surprising thing that I've ever encountered..
I can't explain my happiness..
My heart was overflowed with joy.. and still is..
I kept smiling today thinking about our conversation yest.
The littlest thing you say makes a big difference in my day..

The Story of A Fool

2011-01-04T01:12:00.003+08:00

You know it's impossible
You know it wont work
Yet you still insist to continue with it
Somehow you just can't let go of the love
You crave for it
You want it badly
More than anything else in the world

It breaks you down again and again
It crushes your heart all the time
It gives you false hope
It makes you curious to what it's like having it
It's painful and distracting
Yet you cannot live without it

You keep trying to get their heart
Their attention and love
You put all your heart and soul
All your mind and hope
You wait patiently for them day by day
You give your everything to them
And what you get in return is nothing
Nothing but looking like a fool to them and the world

Here's the story of a fool
Who keeps going on and on about this stupid thing
When you perfectly know that it won't happen
Not in a million years..
That's why I'm a fool

Teardrop - Absolute Boyfriend OST

2010-12-30T23:50:00.001+08:00

I love this song so much, esp the instrumental version. The story of this drama is VERY SAD indeed =( but I love it..Anyway, this song reminds me of the days when I used to listen to scoring music. It's very calming soothing and it gives me peace somehow. haha.. enjoy =)

My dream

2010-12-21T19:25:00.003+08:00

I watched rapunzel today.. and one of the essence of the story is how she dreams of going out of the tower for 18 years.. and finally it came true. Thinking about it, I look at my life and think about my dreams. What do I want? I'm not too sure what I want to be in the future. Or how I'm going to live my life. I don't really have a dream. Some people want to be a doctor, lawyer, or they want to be the CEO of some company. Honestly, career wise.. I have no clue about what I want. Some people want to work in investment banks, insurance company, accouting firm etc. For me, I'm really whatever. Whatever job I get, I think I'll be happy. Some people might call me dull coz of this. When I'm dreamless. But one thing for sure. I know one thing that I really want for 19 years,, and up until now I still can't get it. Not even sure if I'm ever gna get it. Sad ey.. I guess if you know me, you'd know what I want. Well.. the answer is love! I just want to be with someone that I love. For some reason, it's just impossible. Something different about me made it very impossible. It's so frustrating thinking about it. I don't want money, I don't want anything else but this. One thing.. and it might sound simple for many people. But it isn't for me. Let me just experience it once, I think I might be satisfied. I only ask for one time. When will this dream come true? I hope someday it will.

Can't get rid of it

2010-12-20T18:07:00.002+08:00

19 today!

Well.. what can I say.. I'm still me..
Can't believe I'm growing old..
On this special day..
Only the thoughts of you keep running thru my mind
I can't get rid of this thoughts and feelingz
It's getting rather annoying now
Coz I can't function properly like a normal people
Everything reminds me of you..
And I just can't get you out of my mind!!
I know I'm wasting my time..
But I can't do much..
I still really really do like you
Anyway, thanks for wishing me a happy birthday
It really makes my day =)

FINALLY!

2010-12-18T13:08:00.003+08:00

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLLY!!!!! U TALKED TO MEEE!! =)))
OMGG.. u don't know how happy i amm..!!!!
im jumping for joyyy...hahah
the biggest smile on my face
the satisfaction in my heart
my patience has finally been paid off =))
im so happy!!!
so so happy!!!!
yayy.. im glad...
today is a good day
its an awesome day!
thanks god =))

I miss you

2010-12-17T17:27:00.001+08:00

I miss you..
I miss you so much.. >.<
But it seems that I can't talk to you
I miss you more than ever!
My birthday wish is you
All I want is you
Let me talk to you for long
Please just for once notice me
That I'm here waiting for you all day long
I'm patiently waiting..
Coz I miss you heaps

Don't be sad

2010-12-15T01:13:00.002+08:00

Please don't be sad..
Coz when u're sad..
I'm sad too =(
You did really really well
You did the best out of them all
You should be proud of urself
Well, I'm very proud of you
Please just cheer up..
I know you're a high achiever..
But it's alright
You should think of the good side
You're graduating =)
I'm sure many are proud of you
You're awesome
Super awesome
Don't be sad
Coz it breaks my heart

Talk to me

2010-12-09T20:54:00.004+08:00

So December it is..
A few weeks had gone past..
I haven't talk to you for a while
And it feels like forever..

Everyday I go online hoping that you'd talk to me
I waited patiently day by day
When I see you online, I can only wish that it's my day
But it hasn't been so

As much as I want to talk to you
I just can't do it
I hold my pride,
I want you to be the one calling first

After a week, my wish had been finally granted..
So you did talk to me
And foolishly enough, I wasn't around to reply!!!
So mad at myself.. sigh
I replied.. but you never replied back..
I don't know why..

Now, I'm just waiting on the right timing to talk to you again
Or.. will you ever reply?
I miss you like crazy..
I miss you heapz and heapz..
I wanna see you..
I wanna talk to you..
I guess I'll just keep on waiting
For the right timing to talk to you..

This Is it

2010-11-28T00:13:00.003+08:00

So this is it..
Maybe one last chance to see you and that's it
I nearly missed that opportunity
And you wouldn't know how devastated I was
So what will happen afterwards?
I really don't know..
I can't believe time flies..
Is this the end of the story?
It could be..
I can't predict the future..

Right now..
I miss you
I keep dreamin about you
I miss the good times
I miss spending time with you
Although mostly its filled with silence
But your presence makes me happy
Knowing that you're close to me puts me at ease
I miss looking at your face
I admire you lotz and lotz
and I love you so much..

Sometimes..
I wish I cld do more for you
I wish I cld be more of myself
I wish you'd be happy when you're with me
I wish we had known each other earlier..
Now its all too late..
It cld be the end of the story..
An ending chapter..
Of me and you..
This is it..

Letting You Go..

2010-11-16T00:20:00.003+08:00

At this moment..
I don't know how should I ever let you go from my life..
I wasn't going to go back because of you..
Now, maybe that's a bit foolish..
Coz I'm blocking the pathways of my life
I listed down the reasons why to go back n why not to go back
I realized there's many things to do If I do go back..
And if I don't.. I only have you as a reason..
So trying to be reasonable, I decided to go back this holz..
As much as I want to stay here..
The chance that we will spend time together is probably low anyway

I don't know how I'll survive..
I will miss you so much >.<
And after this, we won't be seeing each other anymore
This thought is just too depressing =(
Maybe I should just cherish the times we spent together
Put it aside as a memory
I can't do much with you anyway..
So I guess it's time to let go soon?
I don't know
I'm not very keen on the idea..
But there's nothing I can do now..
I'm going to maximize the time we have now
And the memory with you shall last forever..

I want to be with you

2010-11-04T01:17:00.002+08:00

I can't hold it any longer..
Right now.. I want to hug you from behind
Hold you tight
And say.. please don't ever go
Stay with me forever
I love you so much
And be in that moment forever

>.<

Cannot Let It Go

2010-11-04T00:27:00.005+08:00

what do you do when you just somehow cannot let it go?
it's officially 6 months right now..
well.. it hasn't been that long i suppose..
but the feeling is definitely there n getting stronger
too attached too tangled too deep too high too wide just definitely irreversible!
speechless.. clueless and lost..
what the hell am i suppose to do?
dont just say just let it go..
coz u know that letting go is never easy
i hvnt reach that point where i see i must let it go
and i dont know when that will happen..
i've been living in fantasy my whole life
why does the reality sucks a lot?
i dont ask for much at all..
all i want is one thing..
why cant i have it?
is it too mch to ask?
its nobody's fault
i just have such foolish heart and mind..
all i want is you you you you!!!
no one else but you
nothing else but you
i just want you..
my mind revolves around you
when u're not there i can go crazy
i somehow want u to know abt my feeling
but that might be the end of everything
i cant just ruin it like that
but i cant just sit back n live in fantasy
tough tough tough..
u're too perfect to be true
i cant stop admiring you
loving you
adoring you
i just cannot stop!
morning day and night..
all i think abt is u
when i probably mean nothing to u
when my existance doesnt make a sinlge difference in ur life
here's a life of one sided love
i just simply cannot let it go!

My Life Now

2010-10-29T22:22:00.003+08:00

So.. It's been abt 1 month since I last update this blog.. What's going on lately? ASSIGNMENTS!! It's like NEVER ENDING assignments.. just one after the other or a few at the same time.. it's just never ending. I'm honestly tired. Basically that's my life.. going to uni everyday from Monday - Sunday.. from 11 am until 11 pm.. haha funily enuf, even tho I'm always in uni I never go to class =/ Other than this.. I have no life. It's kinda sad.. hahaha.. but I'm ok this way. I enjoy hanging around with my buddies.. Our routine of being poor everyday, with $5 budget for dinner, deciding where to eat everyday, we're all sick of kara n vicpark by now.. being in shan or jo's car.. trying to do asgn in cbs til 12.. procrastinating most of the time.. (ie going to my hse watching horror movie instead of doing asgn! or getting drunk? haha) stressing out together.. it's the good and bad times we spent together.. I will cherish it always. Semester 2 year 2 is abt to end very soon. Only 1 week left, then we have study break plus exam =( I cant believe time flies.. This also means saying goodbye to the 3rd yrs.. Even tho I just pretty mch know them starting end of last sem, I wish I could have known them sooner.

To you my special someone, I don't know what I'll do.. I don't know how I can cope without you around. It would be really sad. Do I just forget you or what. What am I suppose to do? I'm sad.. and I don't wanna think about it. Maybe I mean nothing to you at all. My presence probably doesn't make a single difference in your life. But your presence changed my life completely. I'm too attached and this is bad. I honestly don't wanna go back to indo. I hope I cld get an internship here.. so maybe I could spend more time with you? And I want to do what I promised you.. That is only if I stay in Perth this holz...

you.. attract me the most..

2010-10-02T02:04:00.003+08:00

I'm sure there are many people who are better than you
More good looking
Smarter
Nicer
And the list goes on and on..
But somehow..
You attract me the most..
Out of all the other people in the world..
Why?
I really don't know..
I cannot find a reason for it..
I kept thinking why do I like you..
I seriously don't know
I just do..
No matter what flaws you have..
I don't care
I still like you a lot..
You're somehow very special..
Today.. you made my day..
You put a smile on my face
My heart feels content now
Please keep doing the littlest thing you do
Coz that's what counts the most
Thanks for a great day =)

Pain

2010-09-27T02:39:00.004+08:00

Sometimes.. I think it's best if I don't know you at all
Sometimes I wish that I have never met you on that day..
Maybe it's best to forget about you
You being there gives me a lot of pain..
Everything is a big mistake
You should have never existed in my life
Coz it brings pain rather than joy..
I don't even have the slightest chance..
And that's what hurtz the most..
From now on..
I choose not to look at your pictures
I choose not to talk to you
I choose not to see you online
I choose not to wait for you day and night
I choose not to look at ur fb profile every second
I choose not to meet you
I choose not to see you
I choose not to know you
I choose to forget abt you!
Coz the pain that I'm feeling from all these..
Is killing me softly..
Making me into some psycho freak..
That sometimes I think I'm already insane..

The End Is Coming Soon

2010-09-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

Day by day passed by..
I'm still heading no where..
It's getting harder for me..
Just to even breathe..
I tried to figure you out..
But it's too hard..
Human being is just too complicated..
I don't know you..
I don't know you at all..
It makes my life sadder..
Trying to do this all by myself..
Wishing day and night..
Won't change a thing..
I somehow see the end is coming near..
Do I prepare myself now?
I don't think I'm ready
The signs that this won't last..
Are very apparent these days..
I'm very sad indeed..
And there's nothing I can do.
No matter what I do
No matter how much I tried..
Nothing will change..
The end is coming..
Soon.

its uncontrolable already..

2010-09-14T20:55:00.002+08:00

I cannot control this feeling...
I fell into a deep dark hole
And now.. I cannot get out of it..
Such a silly misatke..

How am I suppose to concentrate?
How can I not think about you?
I sometimes want you to know the truth..
But that would be the end of everything..

You're not telling me whats going on..
I'm so curious..
Why can't I know?
I'm sad........

Wasted Sunday..

2010-09-12T18:35:00.003+08:00

Time? 6.36 Sunday 12-9-10
Place? Abacus 314..
Status? Bored..
Feeling? Nothing
Thoughts? I wasted my whole day

Just some facts abt today.. I feel like I wasted my whole day on nothing?
I came to uni.. for one reason..
I cancelled work.. jst to come today..
Suddenly.. someone bailed on me =(
Since the person that I wanna meet is not even here today..
I feel so wasted..
Didn't even study..
Nothing useful has been done..
Sigh..
Got midsems coming up..
Have to get myself together..

Confused

2010-08-29T00:07:00.004+08:00

My life has been really confusing lately..
It seems like I don't know where I'm heading to..
I feel like I'm so lost in direction..
I don't know what I want anymore
Every time I think about the long run future..
I keep arguing with myself..
Having this battle of mind..
Makes me so tired and confused =(

I'm just going with the flow right now..
See where it takes me..
All I know is that I only want one thing right now
The one thing I can never have..
Which depressed me all the time..
I want it badly..
I need it to survive..
I know I have to give it up someday..
But right now is not the time..
Please.. let me out of this confusion!

Bitter Sweet of Love

2010-08-05T21:03:00.003+08:00

The more I know you, the more I like you..
The more I see you, the more I see your charm
At the same time, I know that this is not going anywhere
Desperation strikes me.. sad feeling comes upon me
Knowing this fact, I feel so hopeless
Helpless like a baby with no one to care for..
When I see you, I could just froze staring at your beauty
When I hear your voice, I could melt to the ground
When I'm near you, I feel like I'm in heaven
I just can't stop thinking about you..
Baring in mind that it's going no where
And it's certainly hard to get closer..
I feel like life is pointless..
Oh how I wish everything would just turn out good
But I know that it's not happening..
I just want another day of happiness..
Why is it so hard?

friends forever

2010-07-18T17:12:00.002+08:00

Though we can't be together
I still hope that we can be friends forever
Coz you always make me smile
And you always make my day
I don't think I will ever get tired of waiting
Waiting for you forever
I'll just support you in whatever you do

Part of me wish that you were mine
But it's ok, I think I can handle it
Even though the feeling is getting deeper day by day
What to expect?
When I know nothing can be changed

I just hope that when you know the truth
You will not hate me
And we can still be friends

Live - Love - Learn

2010-07-03T00:58:00.003+08:00

Live like you mean it
Unless you have no purpose in life
Love the one who meant to be yours
Until death separate the two of you
Learn from your mistake
Instead of remembering the past

In A Rush - Blackstreet

2010-07-03T00:48:00.001+08:00

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

how i try to express
whats been troublin' my mind
but still i cant find the words
but i know that somethings got a hold of me

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

baby someday ill find a way to say
just what you mean to me
but if that day never comes along
and you dont hear this song
i guess you'll never know

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel in
feel what i feel inside

and when i say inside i mean deep
you fill my soul
and thats something i cant explain
its over me

cuz it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

it came over me in a rush
when i realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but i cant tell you why
why i feel what i feel inside

Over and Over Again

2010-07-02T23:58:00.004+08:00

People keep asking why I do the things I do
Even though I was hurt lotz of times..
I still do the same thing over and over again..
I too wonder why..
Thinking about it..
I came to a conclusion..
I realize that I crave it
I need it
And it feels good

Yes, I know the consequences
It's not easy to face
It can be unpleasant too
I know all that
People don't have to lecture me

It may sound stupid dumb reckless selfish and immature
It's not like I don't think before I take my action
But sometimes I can't control the way I feel about some things
It just happened naturally
I don't know why I'm like this
I don't know why I'm very stubborn
I do admit that I lack of self control
Because all these.. I still do the same thing over and over again
So don't ask anymore..
I'm just one foolish girl

Semester Updates

2010-06-28T23:31:00.010+08:00

Now that it's the start of my holiday, I just realized that I have nothing to do! I haven't write in this blog as much as I did last year, so now that I have nothing to do, I'll just update everything within 1 day. Here we go with the semester updates...

March - The start of 2nd year first sem. I totally planned to work harder this sem and yes I totally failed that. At first, I went to all lectures n tutes, after a while.. I began to slack and that continues til the end of the sem. Sighh.. Anyway, so in March.. It was all pretty cool. We were thinking to go exchange to UK, but I guess regarding all the circumstances it won't happen. Oh, also started gym membership, but totally failed to go after a while. Mostly I watched drama and continue my obsession on korean things.. and practically do nothing the whole month.

April - I went to melb finally. Had a great time there.. Kinda liked someone there, but not for long. I still hope to really do good in the sem. Then I applied for my citizenship.. then end of month,, it was damn insane coz we had 3 midsems in one day!!! I really thought I'd get 0 for one of the midsem, and the one that I studied hard for,, I totally failed it. sighhh.. it was depressing.

May - Uni depressed me hell lot, esp after getting midsems back. It totally crushed my hope and dreamz. sigh. The start of this month, I met the person I like now. But the feeling wasn't strong at all back then. Then I went to sydney for my sis's grad and hm, nothing much happened I guess. By the end of the month.. I shared about my love life with a couple of friends..

June - It's a hectic month indeed. The start of the month started with my love life getting stronger. And June is the month of exam indeed. I went to the lib since the beginning of week break til the end of exam everyday from 10am-10.45pm. I think my brain was about to explode from all that. It ended with me and Jo staying over night at abacus lab on the last day of exam! What an accomplishment.. hahaha.. of course I'm thanking my study buddies Jun and Wan, and Jo as well for accompanying me for stats exam!! So many memories and crazy moments happened during those times. I'm gonna cherish it all =)

So that's the highlight of the sem. Now, outlining my perfomance in exams..

Finance - The first exam, omg.. it was literally the worst exam ever. I seriously doubt I'll pass the exam, but you know, nothing is impossible. Thankfully, I'm not the only who found it hard. So hopefully, they'll scale it up, and yeah.. I just wanna get the exemption >.<

Adv Calc - It wasn't as bad as finance, but I have to say my performance was really poor in that exam. I can't blame anyone but myself. I didn't spend enough time practising all the questions and stuff. So yeah, I just hope for the best. My internal mark should help to bring up the overall mark.

POIS - The exam was really similar to past papers. Thank God, I did all the past papers and did all the notes ^^ so yeah, it wasn't that bad, although I screw up the last question. But oh well, it was a nice break from all the exams that I've done. Although I kinda feel bad for relying 99% on the notes, but oh well. I feel happy for once in my life, after all the depression from the previous exams.

Math Stats - This subject is such a killer subject indeed! You don't know how terrified I was before the exam. After screwing up midsem, my hope for the subject is crushed to death. All I can depend on is the exam. So, I studied hard for this, well maybe not that hard.. hehehe... But I didn't go home nor sleep to study for this exam. In the end, I think it was worth it. The exam was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was pretty similar to the tutes, assignments and midsem which I wrote in my notes. So yeah, it was a nice wrap up for everything.

Now that everything is done, it's only the result that is left to go. I'm actually really scared. Esp for finance. I just hope and hope I will pass, and if miracle happens.. get the exemption? I really don't know. I think now it all depends on the scaling? sighhhhh... it really depressed me. And if I get a sup exam, I'll be in Europe... so it's like kinda impossible to go back to Perth right. Might as well redo the unit. Sighhh.. But yeah, I surrender everything to the big God up there. I've done my part, now I will just patiently wait for the outcome. I'm thankful for everything though =) okay.. what a long post it is now.. hahahaha.. it's compensating for all the missing updates this year..

Officially Missing You

2010-06-28T22:55:00.003+08:00

I'm officially missing you

I don't know if my love is going to fade away

But right now, all I know is I'm missing you

I don't know what I like about you

But I do know that I love every part of you

Although, I haven't got the chance to know you very well yet

I know that I like you very much

I'm missing you from the deepest part of me

I can't get you out of my mind

You don't know how much I am wishing

Just to talk to you or to see you

Maybe all I can do is watch from behind

Maybe you won't even know it

But I don't care

Just to know that you are there

It filled my heart with joy

Your presence changed my life

I will strive harder

I will work harder

I will try to impress you

You are my motivation

I wanna be like you

I can't wait to see you again,

In the littlest chance I've got

I will wish and hope

That we can get to know each other better

I'm officially missing you

Lucky Day

2010-06-28T10:14:00.002+08:00

So here I am, back in Indo.. finally! After a very long journey indeed. Although it was long, I have to admit that I've been very lucky the whole way through. It started when we arrived in Singapore for a transit. First of all, we were really hungry and were looking for a place to eat, then we remembered that there's this chicken rice place that is really nice, but we weren't sure where exactly the place is. When we walked through Orchard Rd, one of the building seems familiar and we just walked in there. We had no idea where this chicken rice place is and there were like 5 levels in that mall. So we just went up to level 1.. and somehow my instinct told me to go left from the escalator, and voila, we found the chicken rice place just by instinct. After we had lunch, I was really thirsty, but I can't be bothered to buy water. As I was saying to my sister that I was thirsty, there was a guy on the street giving out free water bottles to everyone as a promotion. So there I got free water when I was thirsty. Then, I wanted those $1 ice cream and right infront of us, there was this man who sells this ice cream. After that, we went to Takashimaya and just after we went in... it rained. But thankfully, we got in first before it rained. Going back to the airport, we were just in time to get to the MRT. It seems like everything is perfectly timed and placed.

Our flight was supposed to be at 7.05pm, by 6pm the check in counter was still closed. It seems so odd and so I thought our flight was going to be delayed. By 7 pm, the screen said that our flight was cancelled! So I thought,, wth,, did I just jinx my luck? We didn't buy travel insurance and so we thought we were gonna be stranded in the airport til the next morning. Thankfully, they covered everything and gave us hotels, transport, dinner and an early morning flight. My luck is back! It was a 5 star hotels, and we got a really nice buffet for dinner. Everything was worth it. We even got the seat that we wanted in the plane, and yeah. Thanks God for everything =)

love

2010-06-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

I didn't know love was gna come so soon
I thought it wouldn't come again after what happened
I guess.. I was desperate?
I somehow can't live without love
I look and I search for it
I don't know what I'm going through
But it sure is pain for me

If you knew about it

You would get away from me

Maybe it's a good thing?

I'm not even sure

I know that we are not meant to be

That is until infinity

But somehow I can't let you go

I see you everyday

It somehow makes my life harder?

Thinking so much day and night

I don't even know what to say anymore

I wonder if there's a real solution to this problem

Even if there is, I know it wouldn't be easy

Sometimes I wanna give up with my life

I'm not strong enough to handle it

I'm a weak person and that I know

I do wonder how all these will end.

I just hope that I won't be hurt badly

For now, I'll just let time pass me by

Til whenever it's meant to be

I will let you go..

Updates

2010-05-23T16:06:00.003+08:00

Wow.. it surely has been long since the last time I wrote here.. time flies so fast... Anyway, so.. let me think... it's end of May right now.. the end of sem is nearly here.. and of course exam is coming up real soon and honestly I'm not ready for it.. sigh.. my plan of working harder this sem totally failed and I regret it so much. Next sem, it's a damn must.. no more excuses for me! Anyway.. so a few days ago, went to Sydney for my sis's graduation, and it was nice having a little break in the midst of busy school life. Now that I'm back, I found myself drowning within the things that I need to do..!! sighh.. it's so depressing! Everything seems so hectic now.. T.T, well I'm wishing myself a very good luck for this next 1 month. Hopefully I'll survive and achieve a good outcome.. I'll update more later on :)

Be thankful for what you have!

2010-02-04T01:46:00.000+08:00

The holiday has been TOO LONG for sure. I am bored to death everyday. Seriously.. 3 months? I mean, when I have to go to school, I always complained that I want holiday. And when the holiday comes, I want to go back to school. You know what that means? Human are never satisfied with anything. Even if they have everything.. they still want more. But what can I say? That's just the nature of human being right?

I know that it's not good to be greedy. Right now, I'm thankful for my life. I have to say I live better than most people. I have great family n stuff. But you know what.. I'm not satisfied just yet. I know I should be thankful for what I have and not complaining. But in practice, that's not as easy as it sounds. Lately, all I've been doing is browsing through korean forums. Looking at those actresses.. I wonder to myself. Man,, I wish I could be one of them. Well from the outside it seems like they live a good life. Not only that.. the fact that they are damn pretty makes me jealous. They have the perfect face, the perfect body etc etc. I mean.. who doesn't wanna be like that? Then, I look at youtube. I see so many talented people out there. That also makes me jealous. People with great music talent, great voice, just simply very talented. Who doesn't wanna be that as well? These things made me wonder a lot.

I know that everyone has their own struggle. That's just life. Although you seem to be happy, there must be something that you struggle with. I guess, the point is, as a human being, we are never satisfied with what we have. We always want more and more. We sometimes compare ourselves with many people. And you know what the outcome is? stress! You become stressed out over little things. So I guess.. the lessons here are..

1. Be thankful and satisfied with what you have
2. Don't compare yourself with other people, you never know what they're going through

Everyone is unique in their own way, there are always pluses and minuses within everyone. I guess we have to look at the bright side in anything. I'm still learning about these things. I guess I have put these concepts into practice.

I Love Korean Drama!

2010-01-06T03:00:00.003+08:00

woahh... this is weird or what.. but right now.. I'm becoming a korean drama freak! ahhaha.. well.. This holiday.. I have watched Goong, My Fair Lady, Coffee Prince, and lately, I've been obsessed with you're beautiful! watched the series twice already. The first one, I didn't sleep at all the whole night.. I think I watched the series from 8 pm til 2 pm the next day without sleeping.. so damn good!! Can't believe that.. I am like this now. I used to hate asian stuff.. hahahaha.. mann.. what an influence I've got from my friends. Now I realized the beauty of Korean drama.. and music! hahahah..

My Birthday

2009-12-21T01:12:00.005+08:00

So finally.. my birthday is over.. I'd say.. it was a great day. Well first of all.. It's been a long time since I had a birthday cake.. several years I'd say.. so it was great to have one.. hahaha.. and yeah.. I was happy to celebrate it with my big fam =) Here's some photo of my birthday..

Finally 18!

Happy Birthday to me

Me and my parents

Me and My Fam

Thank AS! I named him bluey =)

eighteen today

2009-12-19T23:56:00.005+08:00

I guess.. I'm 18 now.. well literally in 6 hours.. since I was born at 7am indo time. But anyway.. so what does it mean to 18? 0r.. what does it mean when you grow older by a year? I mean.. everyday.. every second that passed by.. it means that you are getting older by that second or day. Anyway,, so back to the question.. what does it mean to get older?

I suppose.. when you're older.. you gain more experience. You master your life more, you understand more, you become more mature.. etc etc..

So at this time.. I wanna thank God for His abundant blessings. Thanks for letting me live until today, I really appreciate everything God. I know you gave your present already God, but anyway, I know that your blessings don't stop right now. I hope as I grow older, I can be a better person than I am now.

Best Birthday Present

2009-12-11T00:35:00.003+08:00

My birthday is yet to come.. 10 days away from now. It didn't feel like my birthday is coming soon, I must say that time flies really fast. On top of this 2009 is coming to an end. I should say that.. these recent years, I have learnt a lot about life. Hopefully, I can keep growing and be more mature as time goes by. Speaking of which, even though my birthday is yet to come, God has already given me the best present ever. I could not ask for more. Yes, that is my result. I don't know what to do without my Father up there.. He has given me everything.. and I could not thank Him enough. This year has been quite a challenge for me. A lot of things happened.. Both good things and unpleasant things. But most of all, I have learned a lot from all these situations. And I'm thankful that I can experienced it. I really want to express my thankfulness to God. He has performed this result miracle a thousand times.. Even though I slack a lot, even though I was being very naughty, very rebellious, stubborn, He still forgives me, and He never forgets about me. I really thought for once He would let me fail my studies.. So that I can learn to be more hard working. That's why I was so scared that I would fail this semester. Yet I didn't. God has proven His power, all things are possible. It seems so impossible for me at first, but through prayer and hard work, nothing is impossible. So.. Thank you God for this early birthday present. I could not ask fore more =)

Happy? anyway.. THANK YOU GOD!

2009-12-09T01:56:00.002+08:00

Well.. I'm really confused.. I don't know whether I'm supposed to be happy or not? Maybe I should be.. causeeeeee I PASSED EVERYTHING!! =) wooohhooo.. no moree sup exam.. or redoing any units for next sem!! yess.. that's what I'm happy about.. the unit that I feared the most.. thank God I passed it.. BUT.. here's the but.. I don't know whether.. I'll be graduating as an actuary student or not. The lowest mark is 65.. and I got 63 for one of the important unit =( haiz.. I don't know what to do. But other than that.. I think I did extremely well in all the other stuff.. and I thank God for that.. all the credit goes to my big Father up there. Thank you sooooooo much!!! I know.. it's not bcoz of me.. it's all ur work God.. all my other subjects are beyond what's expected!! I'm so happy for them. Well anyway.. I'm kinda relieved. Don't know what to do for this one unit. haiz.. well whateverrrrrrr THANK YOUUU MY BIG FATHERR!!! YOU ARE AWESOME YOU ARE THE BEST =)

Goals

2009-11-27T01:10:00.003+08:00

I'm honestly scared right now,, really scared of my results :( I can't stop thinking about it. Esp, knowing that next year is gna be much harder.. this is gna be a big challenge for me. I decided to create goals for next year. I wanna achieve something more. I'm gna be 18 soon, I have to grow up and be more mature. I can't lay back, be lazy and slack a lot anymore, I have to be more hard working. Successful people reach their place coz of hard work. Honestly, I don't think I have work hard all these times. I wanna change and I will try my best to change. Here are my goals..

1. Attend all lectures and tutorials, do tute questions, and study!!

2. Spiritually, I wanna read the bible everyday, and finish 1 the whole bible in one year

3. On the other side, I wanna practice piano as much as possible

4. I wanna try lead piano in my ministry

I think for next year, I wanna focus on those aspects first. I think they are the most important things for me now. I hope I can achieve this goal. And God,, pleasee.. let me pass all my unitsss >.<

My Current Life

2009-11-26T20:27:00.003+08:00

So it's holiday now.. suppose to be a good time where I can enjoy life.. well it has been quite alright, I'm still worried about my result :( Idon't know what to expect any more. I don't wanna think about the worst, but it's always on my mind. Well other than this, I'm starting to take jazz piano lesson, which I'm really excited abouttt!! =) jazz is.. my passion.. well I mean.. I'm not good at it or whatever, but whenever I hear someone playing jazz music.. there's this adrenalin rush through my blood. There's this certain excitement within me, I'm just so in love with jazz music. It's one of the thing that I love so much. Although until now I still can't play jazz, but I'd love to do so. That's why I'm taking all this lesson, coz I know I'm not one of those people who are talented in music or whatsoever, I need someone to guide me through. I'm not a self-learner either. I tend to like instruction given to me rather than trying it myself.

If one day I can play jazz like a pro.. that literally means a dream come true. It has been my dream recently, and I still don't know whether I can achieve it or not, but hopefully I will. And I will try to practice hard to be able to achieve that. For those who always doubt me or criticize how bad I am.. although they didn't say it, but I know, I will prove to them that I can do it!

untitled

2009-11-23T20:59:00.001+08:00

Have you ever been in love?

Do you think it’s wrong to love?

Tell me what should I do

I’m lost in confussion

They told me it’s childish to be jealous

They told me it’s wrong to love you

But what can I do now?

It all has happened

I can’t turn back time

Maybe it was a big mistake loving you

But the feeling is there now

I can’t stop loving you

I tried to forget about you..

But you are very unforgettable

Every single thing reminds me of you

You’re just glued to my mind

Tell me what to do

I’m so lost and helpless

Unforgettable - Nat King Cole

2009-11-22T22:08:00.001+08:00

Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable, thought near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before
has someone been more
Unforgettable, in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
that someone so unforgettable
thinks that I am
unforgettable too
No, never before
has someone been more
Unforgettable, in every way
And forever more, that's how you stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
that someone so unforgettable
thinks that I am
unforgettable too

This song is.. true.. except the part where I am unforgettable is not true.. hahaha.. haizz.. it's hard to forget about someone.. still trying trying and trying.

Rating My Life

2009-11-11T19:11:00.003+08:00

yo yo yo people... I meant to study now! but I'm not =.= sighhhhh... yesterday.. I did practically nothing.. today.. I started my study.. but mostly I've been wasting time and this is SUPER BAD! exam is in 2 days times. This is the only unit that I can certainly do well on, after screwing up the rest. So if I screw this one.. that I'm doomed. Sooooo I better STUDY!!!! yet I'm here.. hahaha. Speaking of which, I've been thinking a lot lately.. about nearly everything.. well my life.. and some other things. So here are my rating for my life..

Family - 8.5/10

Financial - 8.5/10

Love - 1/10

Appearance - 6/10

Intellegence - 7.5/10

Friendship -7.5/10

So pretty much.. I'm a lucky girl hey. From my point of view.. I do have a good family and financially I'm alright. I have some good friends which I'm happy. I dont think I'm that dumb.. but not super smart either. Appearance.. hrmm.. average I'd say. Love life.. ermm.. yeah.. never talk about that.. hahahaha.. oh well. I think I'm happy =)

Putting My Trust in God

2009-11-10T16:33:00.002+08:00

Well, honestly speaking, putting your full trust on Him is not that easy. It is now exam times.. my first exam went really bad. Yeah.. one of the worst exam. I did study for it.. maybe not enough and I did pray as well. I don't know whether I'll pass the unit or not. But I have faith that I will although it seems impossible. But I believe God will make the impossible possible. In my eyes, it might be really bad.. But never doubt God's power. I want to stop looking back and move on. Coz there's nothing I can do now, all I can do is pray, surrender, have faith, and put my trust in Him. Whatever result comes out.. I shall give thanks. The 2nd exam.. was alright I guess. Hmm.. not quite sure.. but yeah. But for this unit.. I did really badly in the midsem.. So I have to get a certain mark in the exam to get above 65.. which is the min mark for this unit.. ( damn actuarial! ) It's certainly possible.. but once again.. I have to put my trust in Him. Now.. I just want to surrender.. and move on, study for my next exam.. and I thank God for everything.

Not to Love

2009-10-30T23:07:00.001+08:00

I have decided not to love anyone anytime soon.
I now realized that to love someone is a decision..
For me, when I see someone that I considered quite alright.. I think to myself
Then I make the decision to continue it or not..
Most of the time.. I continue it
Ending up suffering coz I know I'll never be with them

After the last experience I had.. I have learned my lesson
I decided not to do it anymore
It hurts like hell when love comes only one sided

Recently, I have considered someone to be quite alright..
I don't like him in 'that' way yet..
I mean.. he has the criteria that I wanted..
Very good looking indeed, good fashion sense ++, smart!!
Well, tonight, I had the chance to go with all
my friends to this final year dinner thing
He was there..
All my friends kept teasing me.. it was alright at first..
I didn't quite mind..
Until it gets to a point where it was too obvious..
It's fun teasing ppl, but when u're the one getting teased..
Then that's not that fun..
Then, something happened..
At that single moment.. I froze..
I was like.. alright..
But I knew straight away that I was jealous..
It's funny bcoz I actually don't like him yet..
I just considered him quite okay.
Yet I'm jealous when some things happened.

I know that my friend is a lot more outgoing than me..
And sooner or later.. they might become good friends..
Conflict might come in between..
Rather than ruining our friendship
And I will suffer..
I rather stop it now..
And don't care about stupid things like this..
I wanna concentrate on my study..

After getting over someone..
I realized that I can be more focus to my study
And not think of useless stuff..
So, it's better to be this way..

LOVING CAN BE PAINFUL

Not Fair

2009-10-25T17:07:00.003+08:00

sighh.. I hate it when things don't go my way. I hate it when things got out of control. I hate it when I don't get what I expect. It's very depressing. sighhhhhh...... I don't know what God is trying to teach me here. I'm sure there's a meaning behind everything. I studied.. I work hard.. I practiced.. I prayed.. Do I need more? I did rely on God.. I know it's not my capability. Was I too confident? I'm not too sure. I have a habit of comparing myself to others.. It felt like I have done more than them. Yet it's always me who got the worst out of all. Those who did less work got better. I just feel that it's not fair.

AS night

2009-10-24T00:05:00.004+08:00

so so soo.. 12.07am right noww.. just got back from an AS nite. What a wonderful night it was..

Place : Wan's House

Time : 8-11.30?

Member : Wan, Shan, Jo, Jude

hahahha.. don't know.. we kinda loose track on the time. Well, I feel bad coz we were supposed to do and finish the tute completion.. but obviously that didn't happen! Well, what do you expect... 4 girls in one room? of coursee talking laaa.. hahha.. well sadly Fran missed out on this wonderful night.. but it's alright.. we can make another time so she can join in. Well.. through out this talk.. we basically know each other more and more.. even to the deeper side. We discovered some interesting fact about the past.. and yeahh.. it was just an awesome night =) I'd like to have more of this.. We're all pretty sure that we'll stick together til the last year and we won't loose contact.

I love how we all click together. It didn't even take that long to connect. We're all different and diverse, but the main thing is, we all accept each other for whoever we are. We're not judgemental and we don't care how different or how weird people are. We just accept them and respect everything. This is what bonds us the most. I love AS so much. I appreciate when people accepts me for who I am. I love this friendship where I can be myself, where I don't care about what they think. I can express my opinion, be loud and crazy. This is the moment I cherish the most =)

Big Slap

2009-10-13T13:40:00.004+08:00

The past two days.. have been quite harsh on me and I don't think I'm ready for the big slap. Although my presentation went well yesterday,, I got my midtest back. I knew that I would fail that,, I knew it way before hand when I finished the test.. I was prepared to receive it. I know I would fail for definite. It was really bad. I think I have a test anxiety. It happened a few times before. Anyway.. So, I got it back. The mark was really bad. I mean.. I'm not shock, but of course I'm sad. I mean I did study for that test... but maybe it was not enough.. The main cause for it is because I forgot how to do the first question.. and all the other questions linked to that first one. I got so panicked that my mind went super blank.. I felt like crying and dying. I was shaking like hell. It was terrible.

One day has passed.. I still feel terrible about it.. my hope for a HD in that course is gonee.. long last goneee.. well, there's still a possibility, that is if I got 90 ish in the exam. Nearly impossible, but still possible. Anyway, today.. I went to get my draft report back. I went with a happy feeling, I thought I'd do well in that report. I did put my effort into that.. and I feel confident about it. I thought I did well. When I got it back.. I was like.. WHAT?? errr.. yes. horrible. Although I passed, it's still horrible! I don't know what to say anymore.. well, the thing is.. apparently the main reason I got marked down is I focused too much on America rather than Australia in that report =.= How stupid is that? arghhhhhhh.. well, thank God, that it was only a draft!!! so it doesn't goes towards the final mark. I still have time to improve it. But it really brings me down =(

Relationship

2009-10-01T00:12:00.002+08:00

Relationship really puzzled me..

I'm not quite sure how does it feel like when you're with someone

Well, for me.. I haven't been with anyone my whole life

And I always wondered what would it feels like

Most of the time in my life, I adore some person

I wanted to be their good friends and be with them forever

It's actually one of the goal in my life..

I just want to feel it once..

All I ask is one time..

I wanna know how it feels to be with the person that you love

I have always want to know that..

And experience it..

Will it be a wonderful world?

When is the right timing?

I don't know..

All I know is I really want that..

615 days

2009-09-27T23:40:00.002+08:00

I didn't want to think about you..

But something forced me to write this down.

It has been 36 days.. since we loose contact..

What a time it has been..

Although I have reduced down thinking about you

Every now n then.. u still pop out in my mind

And little things still reminds me of you

Both the good at bad times

I still remember the first time we met

It was the 23rd of february 2008

I know there was something special about you

On that day, I took interest in you

I hold my feelings for a week

Until we finally talk again..

I added you on msn..
I remembered ur status was busy.. so I didn't bother you

The next day.. I decided to call you

We started talking..

At first it was a simple nice conversation

I remembered you were really friendly

We talked for about 3 hrs on that night..

I was extremely happy

From that day onwards I could not stop thinking about you

Our friendship grew further and further

We became quite a close friend

I was very happy of the progress I've made

I remembered looking forward to every weekend..

The day when I finally can talk to you after a week

You made me smile.. You always made my day

Every night, I used to read our chat conversation

I smiled and feel so content..

Wondering what will happen next weekend

Things did not go all smooth

Sometimes we ran out of topic

I have to think hard every day to create a new topic

Every night, I prayed to God so our coversation goes well

I think I really did love you

Now, it has been 1 year and 8 months

as well as 615 days..

and you still stick in my mind

I don't even know what to wish for anymore

Many times I wanted to give up

But something hold me still

That is hope..

I kept thinking there's hope

Even that is just to be friends

That's all I wanted

But now, I dont think I can even have that

No more friendship

It's all over..

Big mistake Ive made

No turning back

I have to move on..

Time Issue

2009-09-27T21:41:00.002+08:00

Yes.. so I do have some time issue here.. some time ago.. I wanted to have time. It seems like everything is cramming up.. I have heaps to do.. and no time. I wanted to do a lot of other things, but it seems like I never have the time to do it. So right now, its holiday. People should be happy about holidays. Well I am, but the problem is.. now... I have all the time in the world. Isn't that what I want? I thought so.. but now I'm bored to death!! I have all this time.. yet I don't know what to do with it.. I'm just wasting it to do useless thingss.. I'm in no mood of doing anything the whole day. Not in the mood of studying or doing work.. (that's normal) but I'm not even in the mood of watching movies or playing games..!! ( that's not normal!) Not even in the mood of sleeping =.= Sooo.. I really don't know what to do!!!! and I'm very confused.. Why am I like this? Weirdd..!! It's not like I have nothing to do, it's just I'm not in the mood of doing anything. I don't know what I want anymore... and this is annoying!!!

Busy

2009-09-24T18:45:00.002+08:00

Yesss.. it is BUSY.. I mean.. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one complaining about busy busy busy days n weeks. Well.. it is nearly the end of the sem, exams are coming up.. I'm sure many ppl are in stress mode. I feel like I'm drowning within my own works. Well.. I've been known as the last minute person. I'm sure I'm not the only one.. but its bad.. and something that I need to change. I'm still working on that.. well for now, finally finished math quiz and asgn.. thanks to Jun... Wan.. Fran.. Vincent.. u guys are the biggest help to mee =) Sorry for bothering u all =( right noww.. have to study for sda midsem.. haiz.. but at least after this.. there's the breakk! although its break.. I need to catch up on millions of things. Im so drowning... =.=

Hectic

2009-09-22T23:54:00.004+08:00

Finally........ NO MORE SCICOM! well after spending sleepless day and night for hmm 2 days? finally I kinda finished sci comm.. woohoooooo.. On the last minute.. I got so sick of it that I really could not be bothered to proof read it.. well thank God it's finished.. anywayyy.. I'm not as free as I thought I could be.. there are stiill HEAPZ of things to be done..!!

1. MATH ASSGN!

2. MATH QUIZ!

3. SDA MID SEM!

thankfully.. after Friday.. it's the WEEKBREAAKK!! A rest after such hectic weeks.. and I don't even wanna think about exam times =.= might not sleep for the whole week.. gna be nightmareeee! I'm so excited about adv world.. or royal show.. dno yet.. n yeah..

although weekbreak is coming.. I still have to do some cathing up with some of the units... what a HELL! haizzzzzzz....... so tireddd... can't wait til the dec holz! Well.. I hvnt quite decide when I'm gna go back to Indo.. might be around dec.. coz I think I might work for a while.. earning extra cash won't be so bad.

I had my mcd orientation todayy.. well might start working nxt week. Finally, earning some moneyyy! Hmm.. I think that's all for today. Tmr.. gna srsly work on MATH! and play baddy as well =p Hopefully I can survive til Fridayy..!

What happened?

2009-09-21T23:08:00.006+08:00

Thinking about it.. sometimes I do miss my past..

On the day when things fell apart with the person that I love..

Things also fell apart with my best friend

I miss them both

I really do

Used to spent hours talking to them

Now it's all gone

Not even an hour a month we talk

What happened?

I really don't know

It is a sad fact

But I just have to live through it

The hardest thing to fix in this life

Is fixing relationship

Good relationship is not easy to form

And not easy to be repaired

I used to be happy living alone

Although no one is at home

I still have my close friends through msn

Now that they're gone

I feel the loneliness

The emptyness

And I want it all back

Giving up?

2009-09-17T19:48:00.000+08:00

Okay.. so as time goes by, I realized that I'm getting lazier and lazier. Like now, I meant to study for my quiz tmr, yet I'm in no mood at all.. so I'm here.. writing my blog! Well, right now.. I think I skip 4 lectures a week! haizz that is so bad. Well reasons are

- They're boring!

- Im always sleepy listening to them

- coz its boring n sleepy my brain is never there..

- therefore.. no point of me going, coz nothing goes into my brain

- plus we hv lecture notes that we can read at home

So the point is, whether I go or not go, nothing changed, so it's best if I don't go. I mean I tried going to lectures for a whole semester n stuff, and it didn't work out. Plus most of them are like 8am! I rather have my beauty sleep.

Anyway, on top of this, I really hate 1 of my unit. I struggle with this unit since last semester, but thanks to all my friends, I can survive the unit last sem. So this unit is basically all about calc. I'm just so lost, I don't know what the lecturer are talking about, what the contents are, and how to do the questions. Thankfully, this unit is not the core unit.. BUT.. I just checked last night, and for the next 2 years, most of the unit I'll learn is based on this unit =.= !!!! So the point is.. I better get it or not I'll struggle for the nxt 2 years!

I feel like giving up on this. I don't know if I'm destined to be an actuary.. I really don't know, sometimes I wanna change course, but I don't want to as well. Well first, it's such a waste of time, second, I already enjoyed it, I have lovely friends now whom I don't want to leave.

I kinda want a tutor to explain to me step by step about this unit.. I was thinking to ask the lecturer, but she might be pissed if I ask her to explain the unit from the beginning of the sem! I'm in a dilemma!!

emptyness

2009-09-16T20:09:00.000+08:00

I do feel empty right now..

Just did econ essay, it was alright I guess, well I don't know if what I did was right or not, but I studied for it, so now I'm just depending on God. Got many more things to do before the week break, I'm kinda exhausted with all these workloads. Nothing seems to be interesting in my life right now, kinda boring I guess. Haiz.. This weekend, I think I might lock myself and do my report. Better get it done and finish before monday! I'm not in the mood of doing anything.

Aside from this, I was wondering.. whether I should talk to 'you' asking if you're mad at me. I don't know if that's going to be a wise decision or not. My heart says to do it, but my mind says don't do it. I think I might postpone this. But I really wonder how long will this be? Will we not talk forever? I hope not. I still wanna be friends with you. Things are very awkward now.. I'm confused.

If I talk to you.. will things go back like before? and everything seems fine? I don't think so, but it still is possible. I wanna know your response, why you are acting the way you are now. I really wanna know. But I'm not brave enough to ask you. I'm really scared. haizzz..

I miss you

2009-09-12T18:03:00.001+08:00

I thought I could let you go
But maybe I'm wrong
I still think about you every now and then
I tried my best to ignore my thoughts
Everywhere I go, everything reminds me of you
Whatever I do, the memory keeps coming back
I really dont know what to do

I saw you today
I didn't want to see you
I was avoiding you the whole time
I think you did as well

We didn't say a word
Though you were next to me

I don't know what happened
Maybe I've hurt you
I'm sorry if I did

My heart beats faster when you were near
I tried to avoid the feeling
I tried to think about something else
I tried to ignore you
It seems successful
But my heart wonders inside

I want to know what you're thinking now
Why things ended like this
I want to turn back time
Where I was happy

I miss you every single day
I miss talking to you
I miss listening to anything you wanted to say
I miss everything about you

All I wanted was to be your friend
Just friend that's all
Maybe I did go a bit too far
I'm sorry I can't control myself

I'm lost and confused
I want things to be like before
Where everything seems good
Please talk to me
I miss you so much

thoughts of the night

2009-09-04T02:50:00.000+08:00

Well, it's 2.50am right now. I meant to sleep by now! but I'm not.. I'm just doing nothing n thats what I've been doing the whole day. I feel very unproductive, I have a test tmr and I hvnt study at all!!! yess.. bad bad girl. And I wagged school today =.= haizzz I dont know why im getting more lazyyyy.. and in no mood of anything. But funnily enough, I think im happy right now. I mean I'm not too depressed. I'm just in a normal state. Which is good, very good indeed. Well yeah, I'm gna skip my morning lecture again tmr =.= I just hate lectures! they're boring.. n useless... haizz..well this is just the thought of the night. I slept twice today.. that's probably why I can't sleep now.

3.01.. just talking to a friend looking for a place to live. Well, I don't mind.. if he live in my place. But the image might be weird.. he's a guy.. I'm a girl.. same hse.. ermm.. might not be good. But my house is empty, I don't mind having a friend. hahaha.. but yeah.. so I don't know what will happen. Well.. I think that's all for tonight's thoughts. =)

Rough Times

2009-08-29T03:47:00.000+08:00

Things had been quite rough lately.. this past one week that is..

I think I'm coping quite well.. I'm still surviving until this day

I've walked through rocky roads

And the storm passed me by

It aint easy, but I'm still here

I was struck by a lightening during my journey

It shocked me

It hurts as well,

But it's part of the journey

I'm trying to forget

Trying to let go

Trying to move on

Trying to be happy for whoever

Trying to be happy for myself

I'm alright... just alright

I want to cry

I want to scream

I want to give up

I even want to die sometimes..

This journey is tough

I got to be tough as well

I can do it!!! I can do it!!!

I have to be strong..

Strong so I won't be shaken

I don't know who understands what I'm going through

Whoever does, they'll know what I'm talking about.

Obstacles

2009-08-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

There is an old legend of a benevolent king who had his men place a great heavy stone on a certain roadway over which all his subjects would have to travel. He then hid himself to see who would try to remove the stone. No one stopped to try to remove the stone, but all worked their way around it, loudly blaming the king for not keeping the roadway clear. Finally, a poor peasant farmer on his way to town with a load of vegetables which he hoped to sell in the marketplace came to the blocked roadway. He laid down his load and with considerable effort and loss of time managed to move the great stone to the side of the roadway. Then, turning to leave, he spied a purse which had been under the stone. He opened the purse and found it to be filled with pieces of gold, with a note from the king indicating that it was all to be the property of the one who would remove the stone.

We all face obstacles and difficulties in life and have two options on how to handle them. We can either go around them and let another deal with them, or we can face them head-on and overcome them. As the peasant was rewarded for his work, we as Christians will be rewarded for persevering through the obstacles which try to hinder us.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:36

After speaking about making a change, it reminds me of this story. Basically, all these things are what I'm going through right now. Obstacles, dealing with things, making a change etc etc. Well, this illustration has blessed me, and I hope it can bless many more =D I give the credit to one of my very good friend. You know who you are. GBU!

Making A Change

2009-08-26T23:12:00.000+08:00

Making a change is never easy. To even think about making a change requires a lot of thinking, time, and effort. Currently, I've just decided to change one thing about my life. I never really thought of doing it, but now I've decided. I don't know whether I will succeed or not, coz it requires a lot of strength from deep inside me. To tell you the truth, I'm not a strong person at all. I'm really weak at a lot of things, esp having self-control. It's very hard for me to resist temptation and I easily fall. Well, anyway, I just pray to God to give me strength so I can cope with everything. I know I will have to overcome many obstacles and I know many temptations will come right infront of me. I have fallen many times, but I'm still here walking in the same road, going through the same journey, and trying my best to get up and continue on with this journey of life.

I really hate walking in rocky road, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. I believe everyone goes through tough times in their life, and everyone walks in rocky road. I know I'm not alone. We all have problems.

Well, anyway back to the topic change, I believe no matter how many times people tell you to change, if deep inside you still reject to do so, then it will never happen. Making a change is definitely a big step. Of course, making a change is done in order to achieve a better result. We all want to change our bad habits, we all want to change to be a better person.

For me personally, many people have told me to change this one thing about me. Even I think many of my good friends are tired of me by now. Right now, I don't even bother telling them things anymore, coz they're probably tired of me not changing. Well, you know, some people are just stronger than me and they can change sooner than me. But for me, it takes a longggggg time to change. Actually, take that back. Yes, it does takes a long time for me to change.. but it's even longer for me to even just make the decision to change. But, thank God, now I have decide that. Oh, and also many times, even though I've decided to change, I fell into temptations and took back my decision. Yes, I know it's bad. But as I told you, I'm not that strong. But I'm learning to be. This time I'm pretty serious about the change that I'm making. Hopefully with the strength from God, I can completely make that change, and win from it. AMEN!

IKEA trip

2009-08-24T19:30:00.001+08:00

Well today, after we went to Indo Embassy to renew my passport, we decided to go to IKEA... Well, I hvnt been there for a while now,, a few years that is.. Soo.. we had lunch that is - meetball n chips - very intersting indeed.

After that.. we looked around.. well, I've been thinking to do some re-decoration in my room, since I'm gna live here for at least the next 3.5 years. I might as well make it nice and cozy.

So right now, my room is very plain dull n boring! seriously.. well messy as well =p but yeah, hopefully I can finish tidying my room before the holiday ends. So here are the furnitures in my room right now

1. Bed

2. Chest drawer

yeahhh.. THATS ALL! sooooo boring hey! So after having a look around in IKEA.. I got some ideas on what to do with my room. Well, I might do some re-positioning on some furnitures. Anywayyy,, I really really 100x do want my room to look like the room in IKEA. I personally LOVEE and ADOREEE small bedrooms and houses as well. I think it's very cozy, pack, and just simply NICE! So there were a few sample of small bedrooms in IKEA that I loveeeeee soo much! And just wished that my room could look like that. I mean, if I buy that whole set, it will cost a fortune, plus I'm sure my parents wont be willing to pay for it! hahahha.. so bad luck jude! Maybe next time, when I have my own house, or when I work full time, I can probably afford to buy a whole new set of furnitures. hahahah..

So for now, I'm just gna move some furnitures from my sister's room to my room.. hahaha.. that is.. a bedside table, a desk, a chair, and maybe I'll add a shelf. I'm just gna use what's available.. hahaha.. and be satisfied with it. Well, that's all for now. I'm going to put that one of the cool bedrrom that I saw in IKEA.

~ study break ~

2009-08-24T19:04:00.000+08:00

Well, finally I can have some rest.. after waking up at 7 for nearly everyday! So, it's the first day of study break.. and yes.. no study just yet! well, I was planning to study since like yesterday, but that never happened. hahahha.. as always.. procrastinating is what I'm doing. Anyway.. let's skip this boring talk.. I made a to do list for this study break.

1. STUDY! derrr... obviously.. need to catch up on nearly all my subjects.. hahaa.. been slacking a lot.. well not a lot.. just all the time.. hahahah

2. CLEAN MY ROOM! yeahhh.. that's right! it is suchh a mess now.. well not now.. I mean it has been a mess since like the first time I move into this house.. hahahaha.. seriously.. I think I really should clean it this time whilst I got the time

3. LEARN TO DRIVE! yesssss.. I've been saying that since the start of the year! hahaha.. well I got my indo license now.. but I actually forgot how to drive now, since I havnt practise for hmm let see.. 8 months? hahahha.. I kept saying.. well, when my dad is here.. then I'll practise..butt that never happened either! I'm so bad at getting things done..well hopefully this time I can really get my L plate..

4. SORT OUT MY CLOTHES! hmm.. yeahh.. well recently I have a new set of clothes coming into my wardrobe.. plusss there's actually heapz of clothes that I don't use anymore. Either.. it's out of date, doesn't fit anymore, or I just don't like it anymore. So yeah, I might get rid of those unused one. coz my wardrobe doesn't fit anymore clothes! hahaha..

5. LEARN A PIANO PIECE! well I doubt I can get this done.. hahaha.. seriously.. well, currently I'm in love with this classical piece " Humoresque Op 101 No 7 " by Antonin Dvorak. It's a really well known piece and very nice indeed! I printed out the music sheet and tried to learn it today.. hahaha so hard though! I survived to learn half a page of the piece.. hahahha.. so bad lah.. I hvnt practise my piano for so long! I kinda miss it though.. ahhaha.. it's so nice when you can play classical piano.

Well, that's all.. I don't know whether I'll get them done during this 1 week holiday, but I'll try my best.

I wish I could.. I wish you would.. I will always..

2009-08-18T15:11:00.000+08:00

I wish I could.. talk to you

I wish I could.. be with you

I wish I could.. be the one you love

I wish I could.. be your bestfriend

I wish I could.. share my thoughts

I wish I could.. express my feelings

I wish I could.. escape my misery

I wish I could.. be happy

I wish I could.. be who I am

I wish you would.. talk to me

I wish you would.. listen to me

I wish you would.. be interested in me

I wish you would.. ask how do I do

I wish you would.. care about me more

I wish you would.. always be nice

I wish you would.. always be there

I will always.. be there for you

I will always.. wait for you

I will always.. listen to you

I will always.. obey you

I will always.. care about you

I will always.. love you

A.S World

2009-08-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

Okay, so this year is a special year. Well, that is because it's my first year in uni! It marks a new beginning in my life, coz I'm starting something new. Anyway, one semester has passed, and I guess it has been pretty much kewl. There's struggle here and there, esp during exams, as well as the every week online quizes.. but I managed to cope with everything. What I love the most is I met new wonderful people in uni. Yeah, they're my AS friends. After knowing them for half a year, here's a description that I can come up with..

Fran - So here comes the genius of all. (Background : Indo) just like me, anyway I'd say that Fran is the smartest out of all of us, the most hardworking one, never sleeps in class, even when it comes to boring lectures. Her eyes would still be wide awake and her brain would function very well. She's one of the nicest one as well =D

Shan - The Calc Genius! yeah.. that's her. A loyal friend as well. She was there to help me during my chicken pox time! ain't afraid of getting chicken pox from me.. hahaha.. when I asked her.. r u sure u want to drop me? " yeah i'm not gna let u catch the bus, that's what friends are for" awwww.. her house is pretty close to mine as well, so I always get a lift from her =D thanks girll..! (Background : China)

Wan - Here comes the crazy girl with wild imagination. Often is high.. even after drinking some non-alcoholic juice.. hahahhaa.. she's the funny one. An animeee drama korean freakkk!! yeahh! no one beats her.. Loves to direct stories.. and create some weird combined story. Well yeah.. That is wan. (Background : Malay)

Joanne - Here comes the ABC girl ( Australian born Chinese ) hahahah.. well known as the quiet one.. but don't get it wrong.. she can be crazy at times. esp when it comes too.. animeeeee.. just like wan! omg.. they can be in their dream world together! hahaha.. she's the smart one as well.. basically everyone is so.. hahaha.. (Background : Hong Kong)

Jude - And here I am.. hahahhaha.. I'm sure everyone would agree.. I'm well known as the laziest slackest one.. hahhahaha.. Always sleeping during lectures. Coz I think It's all boring. I cannot stand.. Nihal, Roger nor Nirmala. hahahahah.. so that's me =D (Background: Indo)

And that's A.S whom I love so much. Our fav past times include Card Games ( big two, cheat, snap), Karaoke, Badminton, Movies, and ofcourse Shopping! We're all different and diverse, but here we are joined together in the acturial world. Can be damn loud at times and crazy nearly all the time.

Here I am

2009-08-04T21:04:00.000+08:00

So here I am, sitting right infront of my bestfriend. Yes, my bestfriend, that is my very own laptop. I'm just one ordinary girl living alone at home, where no other living things breathe ( other than trees etc ) That's why my laptop is my bestfriend, because it's the one thing that keeps me alive and well entertained at home. Without it, I'll be bored to death.. probably sleep all day long.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm blabbering about my laptop here.. the point is.. It's me again back to blogging. An activity that I used to do 5 years ago. After thinking for quite a while, I thought I might as well do it again. It seems fun anyway. Well, lately it seems that blogging is coming back alive. As a friend told me, it's the "digital era" where you share your thoughts online and digitally. I sometimes wonder why do people blog? After running some discussion moments, I came to this conclusion. People need to share their thoughts. And sometimes an ordinary person ie. your closest friend, can't simply listen to everything in your head. Or you might not feel comfortable telling everything to them. Sometimes you just need to be alone and think about the things around you. About your life, your hopes, dreams, etc. And after a while you'll be surrounded by millions of thoughts running through your head. Then there's this moment where you think, yes I'm lost.. lost within your own thoughts. Then you will feel like you need to share it, so here comes the writing part. Not so sure whether that make sense to you or not, but that is what I think. Here's just an introduction to my blog, enjoy reading the upcoming posts =D